Confused... and peed off... again!

So, I went to London at the weekend, to see “Joseph” and it was brilliant. Lee Mead... topless... and that’s all you need to know about that!! “Sausage” travelled really well on the train & the tube – and showed that even in London, strangers want to come and talk to you if you are carrying a small, but devastatingly handsome, Jack Russell puppy!

Going to London, though, meant leaving Bosie (rabbit) and the Guinea pigs in the husband’s incapable hands. Knowing what he is like, I did a list of instructions. The first thing I put on the instructions was that the rabbit food was in the tall box with the green lid. I assumed then, with that information, he would work out that the Guinea pig food was in the short square box with the words “Guinea Pig” written on the lid.

The instructions also told him to put a large carrot in each hutch each morning; to fill the food bowls and change the water morning and evening; to check the water in the afternoon because the rabbit drinks a lot, and tends to put his toys in the water bowl. Oh and at bedtime, they have a large handful of hay. It's not rocket science is it? It is all perfectly straightforward - I think.

This list of instructions was attached to the fridge. Knowing what he is like (totally unable to buy the right things) I bought a bag of Guinea pig food in case we ran out over the weekend. We had enough rabbit food. I also bought a bag of carrots.

So when I got back on Tuesday, he confessed to having had a major problem. He couldn’t tell which was the rabbit food and which was the Guinea pig food. I said it was on the instructions. He said he hadn’t read that bit.

Brilliant.

Waste of my time and ink.

Twat... (me, that is, for thinking he could manage this simple task.)

So, as he explained – he opened the new bag of Guinea pig food, because then he would at least get that right. So I expected then that the girl Guineas would have the right food, and that in the hutch with the boy Guinea and the rabbit, there would have been a dish of the new Guinea pig food (Science Selective) and either a dish of rabbit food OR a dish of the old Guinea pig food (which wasn’t Science Selective because they didn’t have it last time).

What I found was NO evidence of any Science Selective Guinea pig food being used at all. The dish in the girls’ hutch was the old Guinea pig food, so that was OK. No problem. In the other hutch however, where there are two dishes, one of rabbit and one of Guinea pig food, both had been filled with the old Guinea pig food. Now this is where I get confused and struggle to follow his ‘logic’.

It doesn’t really matter. The animals have all survived, it really isn’t a problem that the rabbit has been eating Guinea pig food, I just don’t understand. I have weighed the new (open) bag of Guinea pig food and none of it has been used. I also weighed the bag of carrots and none of those have been used either. And the bag of hay looks suspiciously un-used. Part of me thinks he does it on purpose so that I won’t go away for a few days again.

And don’t even get me started on the day I went. I picked up my bags, said I was going. No response.

“See you on Tuesday!” I said (determined to force some sort of reaction.)

“Mmmm, very good.” he replied without looking up. Very good? What the hell does that mean?

“Bye!” I added. Nothing. No ‘have a nice time.’ No ‘hope your journey is OK.’ No ‘enjoy the show.’ No ‘have you got your tickets’. No ‘here’s a fiver for a cup of coffee.’ Surely he could manage one of those – or even a simple ‘bye’.

And when we got back, no ‘did you have a nice time’.

And he has peed me off today as well. I was trying to read this morning, so he felt the need to discuss tea (as usual). He was asking me about some beef burgers that I bought recently that he had particularly enjoyed (probably because I'd cooked them properly, they'd cost twice what he pays and were 100% beef - and not 10% badger/90% navel fluff and burnt to buggery like the ones he tends to cook). He asked me how many we’d had. I told him where I’d had them from (the local farm shop) and that we’d had two each. (He was convinced we’d had one each). A bit later on, just before he went out to get them he checked again with me.

“So it was one each, was it?”

“NO! It was two each. I bought four.”

“Oh right,” he said – and buggered off into town. (You may remember I said I'd had them from a farm shop - not town...)

So he bought two. And no – that wasn’t even one each – he bought two for himself. He didn’t buy any for me. When I got in at 7 he was just sitting down to his huge plate of tea. How thoughtful. So I had a Cornetto. Still – it sort of made up for the day last week when I cooked the dinner for everyone, and cleared away the plates etc., and he decided we needed pudding. There were 5 of us and he did four dishes of ice cream – handing them round to everyone else except me. Perhaps next time I cook the tea I should miss him out, or perhaps I should make him a rabbit food pie so he learns to recognise it… with carrots and hay… we’ve got loads to spare.

I know he has been the subject of most of these blogs - maybe you think I embellish these little tales of woe. Sadly, I don't need to, he really is this inept. And from this week, he is semi-retiring. He's going to be working Tuesdays Wednesdays and Thursdays - coming home at 1pm on a Tuesday - so the only time I will have to myself will be Tuesday mornings. I'm going to have to find something to do to get me out of the house on Mondays!