Irritated by adverts on TV...

… specifically those that feature kids. Oh how I despise kids at the moment. Especially those in adverts. Number one irritating ad. is the one where the kid says he is going to “do a poo” at his friend’s house. It’s not the use of the word “poo” that is irritating – it’s the kids tone of voice. I just want to slap him. The ad. is a failure as far as I am concerned as I can’t tell you what is being advertised. Obviously something toilet related – at least I hope so. I think it might be for some sort of air freshener – or perhaps toilet cleaner – or maybe toilet paper. Perhaps it’s simply for toilets. The fact is, I haven’t rushed out to buy whatever the product is, and to be honest, even if I find out what it is, I would be more inclined to purchase a rival product – just because of that boy’s irritating voice. It’s worrying, too, that (assuming it is an ad. for air freshener) the kid seems obsessed with the stench of his own excrement. What the hell has he been eating? And if it really is THAT bad, surely the mother would already be using an air freshener. Also, why is toilet paper called toilet paper – we don’t wipe the toilet with it do we?

Then there’s that series of revolting adverts for bum-paper featuring that annoying toddler dressed in a suit. I just can’t bear it.

The other one that gets me all worked up, is the one where the kid’s party dress is on the washing line, and the mother notices a hideous stain (red wine, probably) and because of this the kid can’t go to the party. So – she only has the one dress? She has no other clothes? Does it actually matter what a kid wears to a party when they are going to come home covered in blackcurrant Fruit Shoot and vomit? And why is the mother washing the dress on the morning of the party? Does the kid go to a party every day? If so, then she should really have more than one dress – and if she hasn’t worn it for a while, why the hell hasn’t it been washed yet? No wonder the stain won’t come out. And what if it had rained? How would she have got the dress dry? Anyway – the random magical washing woman who knows how to get stuff clean (by using some magical product – again lost on me as I can’t remember what it is) is, for some reason, in the garden while the woman is examining the stain - where the hell was she when the dress was first washed? I reckon that if the dress has already been washed, the stain has been pretty much set anyway and there’s no chance of it coming out.

But no, after the demo where a greying garment is clearly dipped in neat Domestos, the dress is rewashed, and hung out to dry (yet again) and the kid is told she can go to the party after all. Every time it comes on I scream “Buy her another dress you bitch” – especially as that dress looks too small anyway. And white is not a practical colour for a child of that age. Also – why does the mother wait until she is hanging it on the line to examine it? I’d have checked as it came out of the washing machine.

Possibly worse than adverts are the sponsorship ones that come on before the start of a programme and annoy me for the duration of that show. The DFS ones on are quite bad, but the ones for online bingo are just hideous, especially the one where an annoying woman says “cheeky cheeky cheeky” – I could slap her and she’s only a bloody cartoon..

There are not many ads that I enjoy just now, although I quite like the one for a car where people keep pulling covers off the car and revealing another one underneath. Couldn’t tell you what the make of car is, but I like the way the car morphs into the cover. Very clever. And going back to blackcurrant Fruit Shoots, I like the ad for things that are £1, or perhaps it’s 99p, at Aldi where one of the items is a pack of “Fruity Shots”. A “Fruity Shot” is probably about as much like a “Fruit Shoot” as supermarket own-brand economy cola (6p a gallon) is like Coke. I’m guessing they also sell “Special J”, “Wanker’s Crisps” and “I can’t believe it! S’not butter”.