I know I have written extensively on the husbands weird and illogical shopping habits, but I feel he has excelled himself this time. He decided it was time he bought himself a new sweatshirt. It would have been preferable had he just put ‘sweatshirt’ on his Christmas list and left the shopping to someone else. But no – this was a mission that ended up actually taking a week. The problem, I think, boils down to his semi-retirement boredom and not knowing how to fill the day. The first part of the process was going through all his old sweatshirts and looking at the labels to establish his size. Then the stupid questions started.
“What does this label say?”
“So, do you think I should buy a large one then?”
“You don’t think this is too large do you?”
I should add at this point, he was talking about a sweatshirt he was wearing on our son’s first birthday (I have photographic evidence) and it wasn’t new then. Our son is 25.
The next day he went into town and was gone for several hours.
He returned empty handed. Apparently he had seen one in Asda for about £4, but he wasn’t sure if the large was large enough, or if it would be too large.
(Apparently, men don’t try things on… )
He had also seen one in Primark for a similar price, but didn’t know how it would wash.
(Hardly his problem as he doesn’t do washing.)
The ones in BHS had collars, and the ones in M&S were £25.
“TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS?!” he exclaimed. As an example of his tone of voice, imagine if you had gone to buy a loaf of bread and they tried to charge you about £500 for an old mouldy loaf, that was riddled with maggots – you’d be almost there!
“TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS?!” (imagine a really over the top Victor Meldrew impersonation done by Joe Pasquale on speed)
It took him the weekend to get over this. In the mean time I went into M&S and saw some for £35 but chose not to tell him. However, there were some ordinary grey plain sweatshirts for £9.50. No collar, so exactly what he wanted. I told him about these, and said I’d get him one for Christmas.
“NINE POUNDS FIFTY?”
The following Monday he had a second abortive trip into town, looking at some more “overpriced” sweatshirts in the wrong style that may not be the “right size of large” and may not wash very well, or last as long as his old one. (The one that carbon dating revealed to be pre-1980s)
“The trouble is,” he explained, “the nice ones are SO expensive - three times more than the cheap ones.”
I explained that they would last more than three times longer than the cheap ones, therefore – in the long run – were cheaper!
This was way beyond his ‘man logic’.
The next day he went back into town and purchased a cheap sweatshirt, in medium from a different shop. Not the cheapest, but cheaper than the £9.50 “outrageously priced” ones. When he got back home he tried it on. It was slightly tighter than skin tight.
“Do you think it’s big enough?”, he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it looks a bit tight…”
“It feels fine.”
“Well don’t blame me if men chat you up in it!”
The next day he took it back and changed it for a large. Of course, the style and pattern is revolting – but that is another matter entirely. He is pleased with his “cheap” sweatshirt, although he says it’s not as thick as the ones from M&S, so he may have to wear a jumper on top.
So – it cost £6 plus four trips into town and back. The bus fares alone came to £12. In my ‘female’ logic – I see this as costing £18 – and he has an inferior product, that won’t last as long.
The following week he decided he needed a new hat…