Feeling more than a little foolish...

Jenni and I were watching X-Factor when we first heard the fireworks. But we didn’t immediately rush over to the window to see them, because invariably when you do that, it’s too late. But then we commented on how they were going on a bit – they were good ones too – they sounded expensive. “A few pounds worth there!” we commented. We carried on watching X-Factor. More fireworks – they were in the distance – but definitely at the back of the house. We still didn’t feel the need to go and watch. Too busy!! Jenni was getting ready to go out, straightening her hair, putting several coats of nail varnish on, etc. And still the fireworks were going. We realised now that this was some impressive display – and never mind X-Factor, this was now definitely worth going to take a look! Well obviously I was too lazy to get up, but Jenni went – and there was nothing. No hint of fireworks. Typical, we thought – fireworks non-stop for an impressive 25 minutes or so – and when you get up to look – they finish. But then they started up again – and she realised where they were coming from. It was my screensaver.

I had completely forgotten that I’d decided to have a change from the Diagnosis Murder screensaver I’ve had on most of the summer! I had completely forgotten the screensaver I’d chosen had fireworks on it – and that there was sound with it – and that it was so bloody realistic! Oh how we laughed – well you had to be there really. I guess it would have been a great April Fool – but the fact that there are fireworks going off intermittently anyway at the moment added to the realism. I just wish I’d done it on purpose, because then it would have been hilarious! Oh well!!

This morning was infuriating. Had a stupid “conversation” about frozen chicken with Other Half. Apparently there has been a major cock-up at local supermarket and what should have been fresh, unfrozen chicken was accidentally put in the freezer – so it was being sold off really cheap to staff, with a warning about not re-freezing it. Great – I thought – get lots! “Ah!” said Other Half, “But it can’t be re-frozen” - I explained that it didn’t matter, I wasn’t planning on re-freezing it! “But…” he went on, “we’d have to eat it all today”. I explained that we wouldn’t – we would merely keep it in the freezer until we needed it… “Ah!” said Other Half” (repetitive, isn’t he?) “But it can’t be re-frozen”. I explained that I knew it couldn’t be re-frozen – but then it occurred to me that he must have meant that it had been accidentally frozen and then de-frosted – in which case he might have a point (although I’d have just cooked it and frozen it – because you can – but I realised he might not know that so I went into details about freezing etc.) But no! This wasn’t the case at all. Apparently it had been accidentally frozen – but it was STILL frozen. So what was the problem? He seems to think that if you buy it frozen from the shop and bring it home – and then put it in your freezer (even though it hasn’t de-frosted in the 5 minute journey home) – then THAT is classed as re-freezing. Even though I was starting to lose patience by now, I tried to explain that as it was STILL frozen – it was NOT “re-freezing” – and 4 nice plump chicken breasts for 50p is too good a bargain to miss. Anyway – for the next half hour or so, over breakfast, he kept randomly coming out with, “Do not re-freeze – I wonder what that means?” to himself. Anyway – he didn’t get any in the end – because he “didn’t want to chance it as you can’t be too careful”. I don’t know why he is so worried about food poisoning – he’s more likely to be beaten about the head with a packet of fish-fingers (non-re-frozen). What planet are they from?? (Men I mean – not fish-fingers!)

I might put that screensaver on later and see how long it before he starts to complain about fireworks going off all night!!

...bored.

Bored, bored, bored!!! I don’t know what’s happened to me really – I seem to have slipped into a post-exam depression. I can’t find anything I want to read. I pick up a book, look at it, put it back down. Yesterday I washed the kitchen floor. Today I put some petrol in the car– and that was the highlight of the week. I don’t even know why I bothered – it’s not like I’m going to go anywhere. Perhaps over the weekend I will put Ollie inside for the winter – I usually do this time of the year. I need to make a space for him though. Don’t know if I’ll be able to stand the excitement…

…scared – then mindlessly optimistic!

...Scared prior to 2.30 pm – especially when “Tom Tom” went into weird perpetual loop because you were not allowed to go down one particular road it wanted to use, but eventually it found another way round. Panic had set in at that point, but I arrived on time – in fact in enough time to go to the toilet 3 times – 2nd and 3rd time being completely unnecessary – but nerves had got to my empty bladder!

Can’t write about the exam questions as such – even though I haven’t said what course I am on – we weren’t allowed to bring the question paper out either. But anyway – I feel a glimmer of mindless optimism, purely because I felt it went better than last year’s exam (I felt I could write something for a start!) – however, I don’t think I was particularly coherent, I’m not sure all I wrote was relevant, I think I was a bit repetitive, and I know I got a few secondary source dates wrong. I don’t know if what I wrote was what they wanted – but I DO know that what I wrote was pretty much all I knew about things – so I couldn’t really have done any better – unless instead of revising for all the things that didn’t appear, I could have concentrated on the things they did ask about!! Oh well – nothing I can do about that, other than hope, and patiently wait, and hope a bit more, and then start waiting impatiently, then desperation will set in – and fingers crossed for at least 40% - then I can set fire to the books, dancing round them manically, and file away my TMAs so that in years to come I can look back over the tutors “helpful” comments and think “I wonder what the hell that says!!”

Fingers crossed next year for a tutor that can write clearly! What a bonus that would be after the totally unreadable scrawl produced by this year's tutor - OK he did warn us, and blamed it on being left handed, but when your writing is THAT bad I think you should type everything. Of course the main bonus will be never having to see “Stripy” and “Crunchy” at tutorials again!! I’ll miss my current tutor though – he was quite cute, in a quirky, teacher-y sort of way!

Panicking

… but this time tomorrow it will all be over – unless I need to re-take – in which case it won’t be over for ages – so I will have to leave the books out, at least till Christmas. I have reached the stage where revision is doing no good at all. Today I don’t know anything about anything – which is more or less where I was this time last year – only I didn’t know it then – to be honest, last year, I felt I knew quite a lot – until I turned the exam paper over and immediately realised that I wasn’t going to be able to write about anything I felt I really knew well. I wish I knew what the questions were! That would be an enormous help!!

I am looking forward to NOT having an exam next year – and I hope I can find another course for the following year that doesn’t have an exam – but that’s all ages away. I hope I get a more relaxing nights sleep tonight – last night was terrible! When I got into bed I realised I hadn’t checked whether the back door was locked. So I lay there for ages wondering if it was worth going down to check. I was trying to remember stuff I’d revised – but the thought that the back door might not be locked – and that someone might come in and steal something (irrational because there’s bugger all to steal) – wouldn’t go away. Eventually I went to sleep, but was dreaming about going to check, but it wasn’t my house – well it was half my house – there was a weird mysterious passageway that had appeared leading to another back door – but that’s dreams for you! I woke up – still couldn’t be arsed to go and check – lay awake – and decided that if I went and got a glass of water, THEN it would be worth checking the back door. Why?!! I didn’t need water! How lazy am I if I need 2 ‘good’ reasons to get up to make it worthwhile??

Anyway – it was locked! (Typical) Went back to bed – drank some of the water – finally went to sleep – but then was dreaming I was at a quiz – and I was marking answers, but it was awful because I was really high up, sort of looking over a balcony – and it was a long way down, and then I dreamt I needed a wee… (water had got to the bladder) – so I had to get up again – so I think I might stick a post-it note to the light switch in the lounge tonight saying “check back door/no water beyond this point”.

Anyway – I don’t need to worry about the exam, because I have, according to the clairvoyant, “someone watching over me” – lets hope they are either Greek, Roman, a historian, or someone who knows all the answers.

I think my trip to the clairvoyant has just proved to me that I am quite cynical. Even though some of the things that were said to me made sense, there were an equal number of messages that other people had that made more sense to me. I’d probably go again, as it was entertaining, and certainly something to think about – but I’m not yet convinced. It did inspire me to spend an evening doing some family tree research, and I hope to do more of that when I am Greek & Roman free – which is frighteningly soon – but I’m keen to get it over with.

… thinking about the afterlife.

Yes, folks – I am off to a clairvoyant on Thursday – not a personal reading, they are way too expensive, but a much smaller gathering than I have been to in the past, where there has been a whole theatre full of people, therefore less chance of a reading. (And for all of you who know me quite well – yes I am quite a cynical person, however part of me must think (or perhaps hope) there is something more to life than this!! Otherwise – what is the point? OK – maybe there is no point – maybe THAT is the point, that there isn’t one – but I hope to approach this with an open mind and look forward to reporting back!

Let’s face it, for me to “believe” I need names, dates, and talk of things only I know about! What I don’t want is “Is there someone here called Joan… Jean… Jane?? Geoff??”.

I am a big fan of “Most Haunted”, mainly because it is so entertaining, much of which is due to a certain person (we are talking Richard Felix here) being so unconvincing you wonder why he is allowed on the show. He is the type of person who, if he had a complete change of career (whatever he does??) and became a weather man – even if there was a foot of snow outside and he said it was snow – you would be thinking “Well it might not be snow – it might be icing sugar”. He just has this air of – I don’t know what, exactly – ineptness about him. He seems totally inept.

Which brings me very nicely to something I have been pondering this week – what is the opposite of inept? Is it ept? Have you ever heard someone described as “ept”? No – nor me!! Perhaps it is uninept? Spell-checker is, of course, ept enough to show me that these words are not real. Thesaurus tells me the opposite of inept is competent – but anyway – inept is my word of the week and I will be using it as much as physically possible.

Also today I have discovered the cure for insomnia – it is a short book called Rome in the Late Republic – for any sufferers out there, it is worth getting – I can’t get past page 4 – I keep waking up with my face on the pages. It costs £12.99 – you could maybe get one cheaper from Amazon Marketplace – but it would probably be soggy with dribble.

Ooooh! I have just spotted another word for inept – ham-fisted – I wonder what a ham-fisted vegetarian would be called. Quorn-fisted perhaps?

Do you get the impression I am struggling with my revision today? I can only work between 6 am and 9 am – after that it is all downhill. And I am really NOT a mornings person – I have only recently discovered this is my best working time. It might explain why I was so crap at school – had it started at 6 in the morning I’d have been great! Of course, the problem with not being a mornings person is that I do have to force myself to get up at that time – and this morning it just didn’t happen! So I am sort of trying – but struggling with a wandering mind – hence this blog… hence my testing all my various highlighter pens out to see which is the best… hence sorting out my black biros into thickness order (thickness of pen – not ink), although this is because I have just read that when you are writing for 3 hours in an exam you need a variety of thicknesses of pens. You should start writing with the thinnest and progress to the fattest – this is supposed to stop your hand hurting. I wish I was ambidextrous – that would be great – I could then write 2 answers at the same time and leave after an hour and a half. Actually (for any inventers out there) what I REALLY need is something that looks exactly like a biro, but has a little hidden window, and some sort of memory inside the pen, so that I could cheat really effectively. If it could also be used to scan the question, then wirelessly connect to the internet and find the best answer, then write it out in my writing, even better! (Quickly though – the exam is in 2 weeks!!)